Disappointment Part II

So this is an update that has been a few days in coming now.

Me and My Gang

It's been years since I last had a group of people that I spent an inordinate amount of time with. In fact, I can only think of one group in my past that I've had the honour of being a member of, and that was the people in the picture above in the summer of 2009. Alex, Carly, Amanda, Allyssa and I were the main members. This was the summer right before heading off to PRBI for the fall. We came together in the middle of summer and spent a huge amount of our free time at camp together. We even met up in Calgary that December for a "family" Christmas dinner. After that dinner cracks started to develop in the group, and while we are all still friends we are nowhere near as close as we were during that summer.

Disappointment

Today I didn't receive an e-mail that I was really hoping for. That means it's not coming at all. In October I applied for a job forest firefighting with Alberta Sustainable Resources Development. My qualifications are excellent - a year and a half as a structural firefighter, three as an Emergency Medical Responder, growing up on a farm, in my third year of post-secondary, etc. I sent in my application and received a reply. We'll e-mail candidates who have been selected to partake in the fitness test by December 12th.

But I didn't get the e-mail.

I talked with a buddy of mine today who is qualified for the job, but considerably less so on paper than me. He did get that e-mail. There is very little on paper that suggests that he would be a better option than me at working out well at this job. So what's up?

To be totally honest, I am wondering why I was passed over. I don't get why I wouldn't even be selected to go to the fitness portion of the process. The other thing that this does is pique my curiosity. What does God have in store for me if He's not even letting me get started in pursuing this idea? I don't really have a clue what my summer is going to look like now that this door has been closed.

So now I need to keep praying, keep thinking and keep seeking.

God only knows what's going to happen next.

Just a Project?

This is an excerpt adapted from my journal from Sunday.

"Your ways are higher than my ways and Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I know that You know what You're doing in my life right now. I know that You are refining me, that You are pruning me, that You are molding me as the potter shapes the clay. I thank You for doing this, for working in and through me to conform me to the image of Your Son. But God, do you care about the pain this is causing me? Right now I feel like I'm one of Your projects. Like you know exactly what You're doing and You know exactly how I'm going to turn out in the end but are unconcerned about the anguish it is causing in the meantime. I know that pain and sorrow produces a harvest of righteousness, but that only barely softens the blows as they come in."

Burning Bridges

Earlier this week I made a decision that I finalized this morning, about an hour ago. I had this really good friendship with a girl last year that moved into me really liking her. Earlier this semester I talked with her (for the second time) about my feelings for her, and she responded that she had no feelings for me. That really cut me hard and I was a deep blow. I didn't respond to it very well, and I essentially ignored her for the past while. I let our very good friendship (which had continued with pretty good communication over the summer) fall by the wayside. I didn't talk with her often, we didn't play crib or foosball like we used to, we didn't hang out. I didn't really want that to happen, but it did. Part of the reason for doing that was that I was concerned about how she was perceiving my actions - I didn't want her to think that I was not respecting what she had told me. Over the past 2 weeks I haven't been around people here in North America due to being in Africa. I didn't even really think about this situation much, which was on purpose - I didn't want my time in Africa to be used up thinking about issues I was facing at home. But almost as soon as I came home I came up with the idea of completely denying the possibility of anything ever happening between us. I will admit, I was still holding out hope that something might change, but in the meantime our friendship was dying. So I decided to commit to being her brother in Christ and to never pursue anything further than that at any point in the future.

"It is not you who speak..."

And when they bring you to trial and deliver you over, do not be anxious beforehand what you are to say, but say whatever is given you in that hour, for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit.
Mark 13:11

Yesterday it wasn't that I was put on trial per se, but it definitely felt like it. A writing on my hand sparked a discussion that carried out throughout the day about what I believed as a Christian. The guy I was talking with labels himself as a slightly agnostic atheist who has a very post-modern worldview. He asked me a ton of questions, from creationism to how can a loving God send people to hell to what about those who have never heard to do you have a duty as a Christian to try and convert everybody who comes across your path? Most of these were hand grenades that he was tossing to see how well I could juggle them. And most of them I didn't have an answer immediately. But as I meditated while mowing the next section and claiming this promise, an answer kept on coming. Also in the back of my mind was Colossians 4:6 which tells us that our speech is to be gracious and seasoned as with salt. So sometimes I would have the answer, but it wasn't going to be coming across as gracious, but the Holy Spirit helped me in that aspect as well. Praise God that He doesn't leave us when we need Him and that He gives us the words to speak!

Hopes and Fears

In a mere 18 days I will be back at PRBI for another 8 months of my life. This is something that I have been looking forward to ever since finishing my second year in the spring. However, this is going to be another change as I am going back to several situations that I have never encountered before. In all of these situations there is some trepidation, but there is also optimism.

Sermonizing - Part I

Micah 6:6-8 is the passage that we will be mostly looking at this morning. I will be reading out of the English Standard Version translation of the Bible. The book of Micah is small, only 7 chapters, and is tucked in between Jonah and Nahum at the back of your Old Testament. Micah wrote this book to the nation of Judah, the southern kingdom, right about when Israel, the northern kingdom, was being carried off into captivity. Other prophets writing at that time were Amos and Isaiah, and all three of these prophets identified one of the problems with God’s people. They had fallen into idolatry, and had been there pretty much ever since the time of Solomon. This is an issue that is addressed in all of these books. However, it is not the only problem seen here, and it is not the problem that we will be looking at.

Valuing what God values

I don't know how election and predestination and all that work with my own free will, there are elements of both presented in Scripture. I imagine that as I live further, and study the Word more, that I will come to a few more solid conclusions than I have now in that area. What I do know is that I have a responsibility to persevere in the faith and to make disciples. I know that God will strengthen me and uphold and has given me everything that I need for life and holiness. And it doesn't matter if God has predestined X to happen, He also holds me responsible for my actions. He is very clear about a few things that I should be doing, and only a few things. So those things must be kind of important. "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8 ESV). "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20 ESV). How am I doing as a general rule there? Not so well, but with God's grace and this reminder of where my priorities need to be placed I will attempt to see growth in those actions moving forward. 

A Working Stiff

Over the past month and a half I've been working at Andrukow Group Solutions Incorporated Camrose. To say that it has been challenging would be an understatement. None of my co-workers are Christians and that has both been a bad and a good thing. It sucks not having any brothers or sisters around for large parts of my day, as opposed to PRBI where they were everywhere, even when I was at the firehall. However, it has been an opportunity to be a light in that dark workplace. 1 Peter 2:11-12 has guided my steps throughout this season. In addition, for a while I was working 12-14 hour days as a matter of course. In one 14 day period I worked 167 hours. As a result, I've found that the human body just cannot take that kind of abuse for very long. All I would do in a day was my devotions, eat, drive, sleep and work. Since then we have reverted to more godly office hours and I've been able to get back to living, not just surviving. Today I practiced all three of my instruments (piano, guitar and drums) and am planning on starting some required reading assignments from the school for summer break. But maybe, just maybe, I'll go shoot an annoying magpie or two first. It's good to be alive again, even if it means that I'm feeling again. More on that next time.

Faithfulness to the Skies

There are times in your life when you set up an Ebenezer, when you put a marker in the sand so that you can look back and see how far you've come. For many, their graduation from high school, their wedding or a tragic event can be an Ebenezer. For me, an Ebenezer was placed two years ago to this day. On that day I was given the keys to a 2009 Dodge Journey. I can remember who I was then, who my friends were, what my values, hopes and dreams were as of then. The changes in my social sphere, interests, desires and passions are very apparent to me and I can join John Newton in saying:


"T'was grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home."

Just Do Something?

A thought has been growing on me for a few months now. What if I shouldn't be seeking God's specific plan in areas of my life? What if he wants me to think? What if he wants me to just do something? He has given me a mind, wise friends and His Word. What if that's all that I really need to make a decision?

I know that many times I have been paralyzed by over-analyzing a decision. I will pray about something for a long time looking for a definitive yes or no answer, and not receive it. God has given me everything I need for life and holiness (2 Peter 1:3). Just a thought, but one that is becoming more and more intriguing to me.

A long week past

It took a couple of days, but I finally got my first page and that started a whirlwind weekend that saw me spending nearly all of my waking hours in a set of fire coveralls between training and calls. This is covering the time from January 14-18.

Page #1 Midnight on Friday morning. Pretty simple, smoke alarm wouldn't stop going off. We determined it was a faulty detector and went home.

Page #2 3:45 Friday afternoon. Called to an MVC (motor vehicle collision) north of Sexsmith. 2 cars involved, people trapped. On arrival we found a crushed yellow tin can that was once a Pontiac Sunfire and a silver Honda. It took 2 hours to get the young woman in the Sunfire out of her car. 2 people including her were airlifted by STARS to the Grande Prairie hospital. Captain Nesbitt is one of the men I respect most on the department, and both as a cop and a firefighter he had never seen such a complex extrication. One of the issues was that our hydraulic pump failed and we totally needed it. Most vehicles you can take apart with just a reciprocating saw if you need to but not this car. Everyone left the scene alive and conscious which was a miracle. I could write more on this one but I need to move on...The story is here.

Page #3 9:30 Friday evening. A truck hit the ditch outside of Sexsmith and we were dispatched for one reason or another. I was in the county engine and we were told to stand down before we got there.

Page #4 3:45 Saturday afternoon. Chimney fire in a mobile home. All we ended up doing was putting out the fire at the bottom and dumping some snow down the chimney. Unfortunately when we tried to leave, the county truck ended up in the ditch because the driveway was so slick and snow-covered. So most of the guys had to wait for a tow truck to come pull them out. I got to leave early because I went in the rescue truck.

Page #5 3:00 Sunday afternoon. We were called to a rear-end collision with a tanker truck hitting a pickup. Highway 2 was clear, but when we turned on Emerson Trail we could not tell where the road was. We were watching the power poles to stay on sometimes. It was the worst road conditions I have ever driven in. I was assigned to medical treatment. When we arrived on scene the driver of the truck was walking around complaining of neck pain. I immediately began holding c-spine while she stayed standing. We eventually did a standing takedown, lying her down safely on a backboard. When we tried to leave we had to walk into the ditch to know where the range road was to turn the truck around.

Page #6 12:15 Tuesday afternoon. I was paged out while lining up in my nerd costume for nerd day in the dining hall. On my way out I loosened my belt and dropped my jeans from being around my rib cage to being normal. It was a fully involved structure fire across the county. It was in Wembley's jurisdiction but they didn't have enough guys to send a truck. So they paged Beaverlodge. Beaverlodge didn't have enough guys to send a truck. So they paged Hythe and Sexsmith. We got the page almost half an hour after the fire was first reported and it was a 45 minute drive out. Unfortunately the county truck was in the shop so we had to take the town ladder truck. On our way out somebody decided to pass us even though we were rolling with lights and sirens. When we finally got there the entire house was involved. For a time we thought we could save the garage, but we kept running out of water. At last we saw smoke pushing out of the garage and knew that nothing could be saved. So we backed off, waited for water and did as much as we could while not having a ton of water. It was disappointing that a lack of water meant that we couldn't save it, but it was an exciting structure fire.

It was a long week, but totally worth it. I got a huge amount of experience for an opening few days and I'm excited for what the future weeks and months will bring.

Soccer - A God-Given Ability

I am constantly humbled by how much God blesses me in different ways at school. Just last night we had a soccer game. This was against the team that I got steamrolled against last time we played them. I had one of my strongest games ever defensively blocking some key shots and passes, not allowing a goal against while I was on the field. While playing solid defense, I also scored a goal off of a beautiful sequence between me and two of my forwards. I ended up all alone to the side of the goal, blasting the ball upstairs on the scrambling keeper. After the game one of the girls on the woman’s soccer team said something that has stuck in my mind. “You have an awesome God-given ability” were the words she spoke. And it’s so true. 2 years ago I wasn’t even remotely interested in soccer. There’s no way that I would be at the level I’m at today without God’s working. The way she said it humbled me in one way since she is an incredible player herself and reminded me that God is working in me beyond just in the intangibles. He’s not only interested in changing my heart and mind; He’s also interested in my physical skills and abilities. I forget that sometimes, but not after last night.

A Sign of Maturity

Say hello to the newest piece of technology on my belt. This is the Motorola Minitor V Pager. It sends grown men running when the beautiful sound of its tones enters their ears.

I was given this at fire practice today, so now I am off probation. I can now respond as a secondary to Medical calls and can help with vehicle accidents. Other calls I'll be doing things like switching out O2 tanks since I don't yet have the training to be actually going into buildings and dealing with fires. This also means that I am now getting paid for my time, including the weekly practices. I wasn't expecting this when I first signed on but it's a welcome blessing.

This year I have the opportunity to be gone basically every other weekend on fire training. I think that might happen, but I'll need to stay on top of school obligations for that to work.

I don't think I'm going to be done all my assignments by reading week...

I can't wait for my first call.

Marriage...A Consuming Thought

Over the past year, and especially this Christmas break I have been consumed with visions of marriage. I have thought long hours, wept many tears, read books and sought God's will diligently about how to proceed in that direction. I've thought for many years that I would marry as a young man. That I would find the girl of my dreams, sweep her off of her feet and walk down the road of life, hand in hand. I don’t expect it to be a honeymoon ‘til death do us part, but it’s still my dream. It is a stronger wish than my goal to become a paramedic, more powerful than my drive to be a better musician and it even has surpassed my pursuit of godliness at times.

Crossroads and Ancient Roads

At the beginning of this year Jeremiah 6:16 was a verse that really stood out to me. It really encapsulates where I want my heart to be (the first part, not the last bit). As I continue to walk down this road, seeking to find the ancient paths, I want to share my journey with you. Maybe to encourage you, maybe to challenge you, maybe just so you can understand me better. I pray that we will be able to discuss the things that I bring up here; that I will be able to speak into your life and that you’ll be able to speak into mine. So, let’s begin.