What happens when a friend becomes an enemy?

Give ear to my prayer, O God,
    and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy!
Attend to me, and answer me;
    I am restless in my complaint and I moan,
because of the noise of the enemy,
    because of the oppression of the wicked.
For they drop trouble upon me,
    and in anger they bear a grudge against me.

My heart is in anguish within me;
    the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me,
    and horror overwhelms me.
And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
    I would fly away and be at rest;
yes, I would wander far away;
    I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah
I would hurry to find a shelter
    from the raging wind and tempest.”

Destroy, O Lord, divide their tongues;
    for I see violence and strife in the city.
Day and night they go around it
    on its walls,
and iniquity and trouble are within it;
    ruin is in its midst;
oppression and fraud
    do not depart from its marketplace.

For it is not an enemy who taunts me—
    then I could bear it;
it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—
    then I could hide from him.
But it is you, a man, my equal,
    my companion, my familiar friend.
We used to take sweet counsel together;
    within God's house we walked in the throng.
Let death steal over them;
    let them go down to Sheol alive;
    for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart.

But I call to God,
    and the LORD will save me.
Evening and morning and at noon
    I utter my complaint and moan,
    and he hears my voice.
He redeems my soul in safety
    from the battle that I wage,
    for many are arrayed against me.
God will give ear and humble them,
    he who is enthroned from of old, Selah
because they do not change
    and do not fear God.

My companion stretched out his hand against his friends;
    he violated his covenant.
His speech was smooth as butter,
    yet war was in his heart;
his words were softer than oil,
    yet they were drawn swords.

Cast your burden on the LORD,
    and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
    the righteous to be moved.

But you, O God, will cast them down
    into the pit of destruction;
men of blood and treachery
    shall not live out half their days.
But I will trust in you.

(Psalm 55 ESV)

I recently heard of a friend (let's call him Roger, not his real name), a person who I had a great deal of respect for and who holds positions of leadership in both church and parachurch organizations, who has fallen into sin (I don't like this term, but it's probably the best one to use) and deeply hurt some around them. This post is not about them, and I do not have permission to tell the story. Instead, I am reflecting on my response, and wonder if it may have some value to you.

My initial response to hearing this story was anger. Roger has hurt friends of mine, and I was ready to do something. Probably something I would regret. I'm not sure. Roger will probably not face legal repercussions, although he could. He probably will not face church discipline, although he could. In fact, he may not receive much of anything as recompense for his actions. However, many years ago, my dad had me memorize Romans 12, and I am exceedingly grateful. Regularly that chapter comes to mind in some way or another. Verse 19 had never been something that came to me before, but it has since...regularly. "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord." (NIV 1984) Similarly, 2 Corinthians 5:10 reads, "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil." (ESV) I am not close enough to this situation to be able to directly impact it. And even if I was, I'm not sure that I would know how. But I know that God, the righteous judge, who knows exactly what happened and the motivations behind it, will judge fairly. Justice will be done. And as much as I don't feel happy about it now, it's probable that His justice will be pointing to the finished work of Jesus Christ, and saying "He died for you."

Shortly after my initial response of anger, I came to this realization. I could be him. I could legitimately fall in a similar way but by the grace of God. And not only might I fall in that same way, it is absolutely certain that I will fall in some way. I will hurt others. By God's grace, not that devastatingly, but it will happen. I was drawn to 2 Samuel 11, which tells the story of David and Bathsheba.

In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel. And they ravaged the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem. It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king's house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful. And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her. (Now she had been purifying herself from her uncleanness.) Then she returned to her house. And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.” So David sent word to Joab, “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent Uriah to David. When Uriah came to him, David asked how Joab was doing and how the people were doing and how the war was going. Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.” And Uriah went out of the king's house, and there followed him a present from the king. But Uriah slept at the door of the king's house with all the servants of his lord, and did not go down to his house. When they told David, “Uriah did not go down to his house,” David said to Uriah, “Have you not come from a journey? Why did you not go down to your house?” Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah dwell in booths, and my lord Joab and the servants of my lord are camping in the open field. Shall I then go to my house, to eat and to drink and to lie with my wife? As you live, and as your soul lives, I will not do this thing.” Then David said to Uriah, “Remain here today also, and tomorrow I will send you back.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. And David invited him, and he ate in his presence and drank, so that he made him drunk. And in the evening he went out to lie on his couch with the servants of his lord, but he did not go down to his house. In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by the hand of Uriah. In the letter he wrote, “Set Uriah in the forefront of the hardest fighting, and then draw back from him, that he may be struck down, and die.” And as Joab was besieging the city, he assigned Uriah to the place where he knew there were valiant men. And the men of the city came out and fought with Joab, and some of the servants of David among the people fell. Uriah the Hittite also died...When the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she lamented over her husband. And when the mourning was over, David sent and brought her to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD. (ESV)

David is known as the man after God's own heart. As the story progresses we see that he repents of his sin and God forgives him, but he still has to face consequences, such as his son dying and family dysfunction. If David, a man who is seen as the model king for the rest of Old Testament history, rapes Bathsheba and has her husband killed to cover up the crime, then I think I am capable of the same. If Roger, a person who is seen by many as a godly leader can fall, then I can do the same. Knowing this, I need to be on my knees daily begging for God's mercy and help. And I need to be careful to remain in vulnerable community with other believers and set up safeguards to help keep me from sin. "Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (1 Cor. 10:12-13 ESV)

Most of all, my heart is broken for those who have been hurt here. Even little bits for Roger, although my immediate reaction is still one of anger. It's at times like this, when relationship between people is so obviously broken, that I cry out the loudest "Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus." It's at times like this that 1 Corinthians 15:19 hits home the hardest. "If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied." (ESV) Someday we will live where there are no more tears; where we will be in perfect relationship with God and with one another. But that day is not yet here, and so my heart longs more and more for it.

I have found Psalm 55 to be a great comfort now twice when friends have turned on God and others.

"For it is not an enemy who taunts me—
    then I could bear it;
it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—
    then I could hide from him.
But it is you, a man, my equal,
    my companion, my familiar friend.
We used to take sweet counsel together;
    within God's house we walked in the throng...
My companion stretched out his hand against his friends;
    he violated his covenant.
His speech was smooth as butter,
    yet war was in his heart;
his words were softer than oil,
    yet they were drawn swords."

David experienced real life, and this was part of it. These words describe so well what has happened with Roger. But it is the words that follow what is above that floor me, and offer the greatest hope.

"Cast your burden on the LORD,

    and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
    the righteous to be moved."

Amen. And may God grant me the grace to walk with those who have been hurt by Roger in love and without bitterness, and to walk in gentleness with Roger to help restore him (Gal.6:1).