What happens when a friend becomes an enemy?

Give ear to my prayer, O God,
    and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy!
Attend to me, and answer me;
    I am restless in my complaint and I moan,
because of the noise of the enemy,
    because of the oppression of the wicked.
For they drop trouble upon me,
    and in anger they bear a grudge against me.

My heart is in anguish within me;
    the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me,
    and horror overwhelms me.
And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
    I would fly away and be at rest;
yes, I would wander far away;
    I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah
I would hurry to find a shelter
    from the raging wind and tempest.”

Destroy, O Lord, divide their tongues;
    for I see violence and strife in the city.
Day and night they go around it
    on its walls,
and iniquity and trouble are within it;
    ruin is in its midst;
oppression and fraud
    do not depart from its marketplace.

For it is not an enemy who taunts me—
    then I could bear it;
it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—
    then I could hide from him.
But it is you, a man, my equal,
    my companion, my familiar friend.
We used to take sweet counsel together;
    within God's house we walked in the throng.
Let death steal over them;
    let them go down to Sheol alive;
    for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart.

But I call to God,
    and the LORD will save me.
Evening and morning and at noon
    I utter my complaint and moan,
    and he hears my voice.
He redeems my soul in safety
    from the battle that I wage,
    for many are arrayed against me.
God will give ear and humble them,
    he who is enthroned from of old, Selah
because they do not change
    and do not fear God.

My companion stretched out his hand against his friends;
    he violated his covenant.
His speech was smooth as butter,
    yet war was in his heart;
his words were softer than oil,
    yet they were drawn swords.

Cast your burden on the LORD,
    and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
    the righteous to be moved.

But you, O God, will cast them down
    into the pit of destruction;
men of blood and treachery
    shall not live out half their days.
But I will trust in you.

(Psalm 55 ESV)

A Funny Thing About Love

Today I sat down to re-read some encouraging notes and cards that I have received and saved over the years. As I went through I was struck, as I have been many times before, at the use of the word "love". Going through some of my old camp encouragements, the word "love" was used freely particularly by girls, but also from guys. As I move on from camp though into my college years, that word becomes much more prominent in notes from guys, and all but disappears from the female side. And the converse is also true, my expression of affection and care for the opposite gender has become considerably muted in the years since those camp days. In the (almost) year that I dated a girl at college, neither of us said "I love you" once. This lack of verbal affirmation stems (at least in part) from a noble desire - to avoid creating heartbreak by saying things you can't back up or from unintentionally communicating romantic interest. Guarding others' hearts and all that.

Reflecting on Anticipation

On Monday I bought a new Lego set, and is it a beauty. It's a 3 story Parisian restaurant...one that I've had my eye on for a few months now, and with a recent windfall was able to purchase. Now, this set is sitting in my room, unopened. And I'm not sure about when I will open it. I was thinking about this weekend, or maybe saving it until after an upcoming meeting that could leave me in a bad place. Regardless...it's waiting. It's sitting there. I'm so excited to open it and build it, but... But what? I started reflecting on this, curious about why I am holding off opening up this sweet Lego. 

I am discovering that I love to anticipate things. I actually prefer to anticipate something than to participate in it, the vast majority of the time. Which is perhaps a strange place to be, or maybe not. I can only speak to my own experiences. I think of times when I receive a text or email from a girl who I like. I have, on occasion, left that message for hours or even days after knowing it has arrived. This allows things to remain as I imagine them, rather than knowing reality. So long as I haven't actually read the missive, it can say whatever I want it to in my mind. My thinking can run wild - not necessarily to a bad place, but just to a place that isn't reality. Or before a big soccer game, I could imagine scoring the game winning goal. After the game that is no longer an option...as long as the thing is in the future, it holds unlimited promise. Oftentimes what I imagine or hope for in an event or item ends up being more than what the experience delivers. Beforehand, there is the possibility (however small) that this could be what fills the longings and aches inside my soul. 

This leads me to consider the eternal truth that is standing right before me.1 Peter 2:11 reads, "Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul." So, we are sojourners and exiles on this world - we don't belong. Philippians 3:20 fleshes that out further by telling us that "our citizenship is in heaven." And Romans 8:23 reminds us that we are waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons. The whole Bible points towards a waiting for God to return and set everything back to how they should be. So, as Christians, we should absolutely be people who are anticipators. First Corinthians 15:19 speaks directly to this - "If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied." We are looking ahead, beyond what this world has to offer.

I am not sure if you follow my train of thought, but these things lead me to a couple of inescapable conclusions. First, we, as humans, are made to anticipate. Second, anticipating earthly things isn't much fun, because in the back of my mind is always the knowledge that my levels of anticipation are higher than the payout will actually be. I am brought to Jeremiah 2:13 which says, "for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water." While I don't think that practicing delayed gratification is a bad thing (I actually think that it is an important spiritual discipline), I think a problem can be reached when the delaying is merely trying to synthesize a longing that should be strongly present in believers. I think that we are made to anticipate, and to (at least in some sense) enjoy anticipating, but that the best thing for us to anticipate is Jesus' return to set everything right. And so with that in mind, the Lego set is going to set for at least a couple more days, but the opening and building of it is not where my mind is going to be set. My mind is going to be set Christ, the author and perfecter of my faith, in whom my anticipation will not fall short in its consummation, as it does everywhere else.

Sermonizing Part IV

I'm going to lead off this post by apologizing for being so lacking in updating this blog. I want to do that on a regular basis, so I think I'll be publicizing my writing more - to keep a bit more pressure on myself to write. I also wonder if my writing might help others in their faith journey. I find that when I do write on this blog I'm able to work through problems and puzzles in how I integrate faith into my life, and I hope that it has done the same for you. As a result of that realization and confession, please feel free to keep me accountable in my writing. With that said, this is one of the most recent sermons that I preached, and I gave it to my preaching class at PRBI. Re-reading it tonight has challenged and encouraged me - I pray that it would do the same for you.